Ulpianus

Heeling Hurt Feelings with Mediation

Traditional law practice does not usually pay attention to hurt feelings of people. Except what it is time to ask for damages in litigation: then lawyers seem to be deeply interested in feelings.

But litigation does not seek to heel hurt feelings: that is a mundane task, and law is serious business. A trial determines who prevails, settling a matter that took place in the past. The most common remedy given by the law is the allocation of a sum of money for the prevailing party.

Nevertheless, participants in legal disputes are real persons, humans –and corporation made out of the will of persons- with feelings often affected by the problems in front of them. In most cases, feelings are not satisfied with the allocation of money and guilt that a verdict gives. More is needed.

This is especially true when the conflicts involve disputes between family members, neighbors, or service providers. In these cases, the relationship may keep going after the dispute, and future disputes can be foreseen.

Mediation can offer an alternative to heel the affected person at the emotional level. In looking not only at the past, but mainly at the future, mediation cares about feelings, tries to make relationships work out beyond the instant dispute their participants have.

In litigation, parties often do not say what they feel or really want. Advised to their attorneys to let them conduct the exposition of the case in Court, the catharsis opportunity is wasted. But mediation offer a unique opportunity to parties to address each other and explain how the conflict has affected them, both at the external level –financial, physical, legal- as well as at the internal level –the affected party’s feelings.

Besides the cathartic effect of the opportunity for the complaining party, the other party engaged in active listening can fully understand how the situation is affecting the other side. Better solutions can be reached when the emotional side of the conflict is exposed to the parties.

Depending on the nature and extent of the conflict, parties will not be as close as they were before the conflict. But there is also the possibility for them to get even closer and be more comprehensive of each other after the intimate moment of talking about their feelings in a controlled environment provided by mediation.

At conducting this process, the mediator goes beyond the traditional role of facilitator, being able to become a heeler, letting the parties jump the emotional wall erected between them.

posted by Mastropiero @ 10:06 PM